What if Your Relationship is Currently Under Stress?
Updated: Feb 15
As a rule of thumb, Blueprint of We Collaboration Documents are not written with someone with whom you are currently not at peace. They should be written either at the beginning of the relationship, when you have yet to experience any stress, or at the very least, when things are in a good place. Otherwise people tend to be less open and trusting, and thus the document is less impactful.
When you want to create a Blueprint of We Collaboration Document but are not 100% at peace with that person.
If you’re looking to find your way back to peace with someone, we suggest the following:
Book a video or in-person session with Blueprint of We Creators and Collaboration Coaches, Maureen McCarthy and Zelle Nelson.
Maureen and Zelle have a remarkable way of teaching individuals, couples and teams how to release their stress, find their way back to Connected Brain neural circuitry, and build trust again.
Option 2 Micro-Dosing Other People Tool
We crave human connection, yet other people trigger most of our stress. Micro-dosing Other People is a tool that harnesses what triggers you to rewire your brain for less stress and anxiety. It helps you experience more connection and joy with the people with whom you work and live.
What Pings You
What grabs your attention about others or the world around you? This is what pings you. The thoughts that run around in your mind are messages written for you, from you. They are the noise in your system that says “pay attention, this is important to you.” We’ve been taught to use the ping as a warning system, which ends up creating a cycle of stress and protection. We distance and divide ourselves to feel safe.
When we pause to name what’s stressing us out, and we inject a small dose of that behavior into our own life, we can harness stress as a design tool. The brain’s negativity bias is flipped on its head when we use it to create more of what matters. And believe it or not, the best place to start is by taking on a little dose of the very people that drive us crazy.
Micro-dosing Other People
When we tell the brain we got the message, and we pause to find a place to apply it, the stress response calms down. The Micro-dosing Other People Tool is a quick process to use when you feel anxiety, stress or the judgment of others coming on:
PING: What pings you? Pause to notice who or what is triggering your stress or judgment. What behavior does it point to that you don’t like or agree with?
TURN UP THE DOSE: Where would you feel better if you played with engaging a little more of that way of being in your own life?
TURN DOWN THE DOSE: Where can you play with pulling back a little of that behavior in your own life?
CREATE AN EXPERIMENT: Pick a situation where you can try on your micro dose. Choose a timeframe. Evaluate the impacts and determine whether to continue, alter or stop the experiment.
Upgrade your mind’s interpretation of the people and the world around you by paying attention to what pings you, investigating it, and experimenting with it in your own life. When you micro-dose other people, you lessen the stressful messages and channel that energy into building new, healthier patterns that support your collaborative relationships.
Option 3 The Work of Byron Katie (www.thework.com)
Check out a powerful tool we use as a companion to the Blueprint of We called The Work, by a woman named Byron Katie.
The Work is a very simple tool we use to question our stressful stories in order to find peace. It is one of the most powerful tools we have ever come across and we use it on a daily basis. Every tool may not fit every person, but for us we have found that this one impacts our day-to-day interactions so deeply, that we credit the combination of doing The Work and The Blueprint of We for our deep sense of peace. If you’re not in a good place with someone, this is a great place to start to find your way back to peace.
Purchase the audiobook of Loving What Is by Byron Katie to start. It is available as a paperback book, but we feel the audio version is far more powerful. You can buy it at www.amazon.com, www.thework.com or at bookstores everywhere.
We have been facilitating the Work of Byron Katie for over 10 years with remarkable success. Our understanding of neuroscience enhances our ability to bring peace and clarity to this powerful method of changing your auto-pilot stressful stories. Book a session with Blueprint of We Creators Maureen McCarthy and Zelle Nelson in-person or via Skype.
Option 4 Coming Apart by Daphne Kingma
Daphne Kingma’s book, Coming Apart, is a pure gift to those experiencing the pain of transition in any relationship. We have worked closely with Daphne and endlessly admire her work. She is fifty years ahead of her time in terms of understanding relationship and has written 18 books on the subject as well as appearing on Oprah several times. Coming Aparttakes you through several exercises that bring a greater sense of peace and understanding to a troubled relationship. All her books are available at bookstores or on Amazon.
After completing the exercises in this book, you will find you’re in a better place to write your Blueprint of We Collaboration Document. It helps pull you back from the relationship situation in order to see it from a more balanced, 360 degree perspective.
When people want to create a Blueprint of We with someone they are currently out of a state of grace with, we strongly recommend coming out of, or ending, the relationship they have been in up till this point by using the Coming Apart work. Then once they have a new clarity and sense of peace in the relationship gained with the Coming Apart work, they can then make a conscious decision to start a brand new relationship with the same person, but from a place of non-judgment and peace. Try it, you'll be amazed at how it changes the nature of the relationship going forward.
Daphne Kingma is a big supporter of the Blueprint of We. We have translated Daphne’s Coming Apart work into crucial insights that can be applied to your Blueprint of We. We’ll help you become more familiar with your core relationship needs and how to express them. Book a session with Blueprint of We Creators Maureen McCarthy and Zelle Nelson in-person or via Skype.
Option 5 Write your Half of a Blueprint as if it Were the First Day You Met the Other Person
Blueprint of We Co-Creator Maureen McCarthy writes: "When I went through a difficult time with a friend of mine, I decided to write my half of a Blueprint of We as if it were the very beginning of the relationship. It helped me to get back in a good space because I remembered what I found so remarkable about him. It helped me to know that the relationship was worth saving, that I needed to get over my fears and judgments and find a way to talk to him. Even just writing your half of the document can work wonders in terms of how the relationship sits inside you. It can either be the path to reconciliation, or a tool to create your own inner peace. At the very least, you’re less likely to carry the weight of a bad relationship into your future relationships. And that is pure freedom!"
If you’re in a difficult place with a business or personal relationship, or it’s already ended poorly, you can go through the process of finding peace within yourself, even if you never end up speaking to the other person again. Try writing your half of a Blueprint as if it were day one of the relationship, and see how it impacts your state of mind and inner peace. We can't always bring others back to peace with us, which is why our only job is to concentrate on finding our own peace.